a million ways to die in the west mustache quotes

Amick Byram. MacFarlane also relied on veteran singer and two-time Grammy nominee Amick Byram to do the vocals. PREVIEW. 14. Depressed and discouraged by how his life is full of disappointment and how every instance of love is then destroyed and robbed from him, Albert finds comfort in Anna (Charlize Theron), a newcomer to his small village. For example, if you drain a certain amount of venom from the fangs of a diamondback rattler into a hollow-tip bullet, you really only need one shot. Get the freshest reviews, news, and more delivered right to your inbox! 1882. When the rivalry leads to a duel, he gets help from an unexpected, beautiful source. Joel McNeely composed the score and Media Rights Capital, Fuzzy Door Productions, and Bluegrass Films produced the film. His comedy might be irreverent, but the key to success in a musical number, MacFarlane says, is treating your material with the utmost seriousness. A Million Ways to Die in the West is a 2014 American western comedy film directed by Seth MacFarlane, who wrote the screenplay with Alec Sulkin and Wellesley Wild. Yet the screenplay he penned with Family Guy/Ted hands Alec Sulkin and Wellesley Wild is slapdash at best. Anna: Oh, thank God, 'cause I was like ah [mimics gun to her head] , kill me. 4:18 . As a cowardly farmer begins to fall for the mysterious new woman in town, he must put his newly found courage to the test when her husband, a notorious gun-slinger, announces his arrival. I read an article in the paper. Edward: Albert, he's dead. If you do not yet have a Torstar account, you can create one now (it is free), Copyright owned or licensed by Toronto Star Newspapers Limited. But, just how many ways to die are there in the west? As a cowardly farmer begins to fall for the mysterious new woman in town, he must put his newly found courage to the test when her husband, a notorious gun-slinger, announces his arrival. 3 likes. the Terms and Policies, and to receive email from Rotten Tomatoes. 18 Songs, 41 minutes The film received mixed reviews from critics, with criticism directed toward the film's length and MacFarlane's performance. [Albert notices a glow from inside a building and peeks inside], [It is Doc Brown from "Back to the Future" working on the DeLorean, which is under a tarp; Doc notices Albert and covers up the car]. All rights reserved. On the Granger Movie Gauge of 1 to 10, "A Million Ways to Die in the West" is a moronic 2. 1882. As a cowardly farmer begins to fall for the mysterious new woman in town, he must put his newly found courage to the test when her husband, a notorious gun-slinger, announces his arrival. A Million Ways to Die in the West hits theaters on May 30. The American West, 1880s. Holy sh*t. To build a home and a life in this harsh, unforgiving country required that a man be bold, fearless, and tough as iron. Indian Chief: (after Albert's drug trip hallucination; in Athabaskan) Did you shoot the black condor and then kicked it in the balls? Louise was right, I can't keep track of them. rights reserved. Ruth: But this is just the outside, there's these folds. Albert, in turn, has to decide when he will become a real man in doing what he needs for what, or who, he truly wants in life. 1882. Albert: It's just another way God mysteriously shows that He loves us. A passive, shy sheep farmer tries to avoid conflict, a trait which has kept him alive but has now resulted in his girlfriend leaving him. Nov 20, 2014. He followed up Ted with 2014's A Million Ways to Die in the West, a spoof of westerns pointing out just how bleak and unromantic life in the Old West would've been. Albert: Oh. The men who were courageous and resilient were the men who prospered. He followed up Ted with 2014's A Million Ways to Die in the West, a spoof of westerns pointing out just how bleak and unromantic life in the Old West would've been.. RELATED: 10 Funniest Quotes From Ted While A Million Ways to Die in the West was nowhere . 27 May 2014 After Albert backs out of a gunfight, his fickle girlfriend leaves him for another man. Albert cant abide the mindless brutality, appalling hygiene and constant danger of life in Old Stump, the tumbleweed town he reluctantly calls home: Everything out here thats not you wants to kill you.. Anna: I'm a little cocky. This version also has even more footage in deleted scenes, and an alternate beginning and ending. As . A Million Ways to Die in the West: Official Clip - Great Scott. A Million Ways to Die in the West is a 2014 American Western black comedy film directed by Seth MacFarlane and written by MacFarlane, Alec Sulkin and Wellesley Wild.The film features an ensemble cast including MacFarlane, Charlize Theron, Amanda Seyfried, Neil Patrick Harris, Giovanni Ribisi, Sarah Silverman, and Liam Neeson.The film follows a cowardly frontiersman who gains courage with the . Anna: Especially a smoking hot girl. A Million Ways to Die in the West: Official Clip - He Drank the Whole Bowl! Copyright 2023 You know, like snakes. Set in 1882 in the American west, Albert is a lowly farmer with a nice girlfriend. Then Stark must put his newfound bravery to the test when Anna's outlaw husband arrives with plans to plant him in an unmarked grave. Foy: My dear, they're practically Chinese! And, you know, the funny thing is, you don't even have to get bitten. I'm not going to the stupid fair. One father scolded his young son, "Take your hat off! Albert is befriended by Anna, along with her "brother" Lewis who are new to Old Stump, and she who is self-admittedly "smokin' hot". When she sees me, she'll be intimidated as f***. After backing out of a duel and losing his girlfriend, sheep farmer Albert slowly rebuilds his self-respect with the help of a married woman. The 50 greatest TV and movie detectives of all time. I don't wanna put myself through that kind of f***ing aggravation. Anna and Albert. There's, uh, famine, disease, gunfights And, uh, wild animals. permissions/licensing, please go to: www.TorontoStarReprints.com, Starring Seth MacFarlane, Charlize Theron, Liam Neeson, Neil Patrick Harris, Amanda Seyfried, Sarah Silverman and Giovanni Ribisi. As a cowardly farmer begins to fall for the mysterious new woman in town, he must put his newly found courage to the test when her husband, a notorious gun-slinger, announces his arrival.As a cowardly farmer begins to fall for the mysterious new woman in town, he must put his newly found courage to the test when her husband, a notorious gun-slinger, announces his arrival.As a cowardly farmer begins to fall for the mysterious new woman in town, he must put his newly found courage to the test when her husband, a notorious gun-slinger, announces his arrival. As Albert and Anna start to fall for each other in the process, Anna has to decide if and when she will tell him the truth: that she is already married, albeit unhappily, to Clinch Leatherwood, a vicious outlaw who, along with his gang, she and Lewis are waiting for in Old Stump. 27 Songs, 1 hour, 2 minutes The film was released on May 30, 2014, in the United States, and distributed worldwide by Universal Pictures. - Original Motion Picture Soundtrack. This is MacFarlanes first live-action lead role (he voiced the potty-mouthed bear in Ted) and for my money hes simply not great at being the leading man, coming off as more obnoxious than straight-up funny. And then, for a good reason, Albert gets dumped by his charming girlfriend, Louise, only to fall head over heels in love with the intriguingly mysterious, horse-riding and pistol-packing stranger, Anna. Old Stump Bluegrass. 2014 Universal Studios. Albert: Oh my god, please! 116 minutes. To order It starts from a clever brain that ceased emotional development at age 12 and winds its way through to the orifice that emits the rudest noises and effluence. Seth MacFarlane, Amanda Seyfried, Charlize Theron. Anna and Albert. This is the curious thing about MacFarlane. 33%. Internet Service Terms 15. But when her husband, a notorious outlaw, arrives seeking revenge, the farmer must put his newfound courage to the test. However, a pistol-packing woman named Anna (Theron) rides into town and helps Albert find his inner courage. Watch A Million Ways To Die In The West: Anna Tries To Teach Albert How To Shoot, Watch A Million Ways To Die In The West: Foy Mocks Albert On Their Way To The Shooting Gallery, Watch A Million Ways To Die In The West: Anna Meets Albert At The Dance. Privacy Policy However, when the infamous West outlaw Clinch Leatherwood (Liam Neeson) arrives in town, Albert realizes that he has just intruded on Clinch and Anna's husband-and-wife relationship, and Clinch is hungry for retribution. PREVIEW. Ditto the overdone sideshow of Sarah Silvermans energetic town prostitute bonding with Giovanni Ribisis bible-thumping virginal shoemaker. All rights reserved. The real peculiarity of A Million Ways To Die in The West and what a waste of a great titleis that it's got no good reason to be a Western in the first place, tongue-in-cheek or not. On the other hand, Albert also has to find the gunslinging skill in order to battle Louise's new boyfriend - the cocky and wealthy Foy (Neil Patrick Harris) - in a shootout in front of the entire town. to colleagues, clients or customers, or inquire about Apple Inc. A Million Ways to Die in the West. this link is to an external site that may or may not meet accessibility guidelines. Opens Friday at major theatres 14A. If MacFarlane had spent as much time crafting jokes as he did writing the lyrics for the amusing title tune (sung by country ace Alan Jackson) and the catchy mid-film number The Mustache Song, A Million Ways to Die in the West would have been a much better movie. There is an unrated, Extended Cut available, approximately 20 minutes longer. Given his knack for singing the guy truly is multi-talented MacFarlane might have done better with following the musical comedy example of Paint Your Wagon rather than the slapstick of Mel Brooks for his western swing. 116 minutes. As a very loose rendition of historical fiction, it requires an ability to enjoy the suspension of belief in order to appreciate the humor, as well as an ability to look past the few offensive remarks to that are both poignant stabs at the time period as well as timely interpretations of . Like, My God, you put all this work and all this time and all this artistry into a song about sperm?'. Anna: Yeah, well, I'll go with you. Quotes.net. Listen to "A Million Ways to Die" below and let us know what you think. All rights reserved. Seth MacFarlane, the rowdy "Family Guy" creator who wrote, directed, and stars in the new comedy "A Million Ways to Die in the West," stopped by TODAY Thursday to talk about the film. "A Million Ways to Die in the West Quotes." Albert: Okay, that's Bridget, all right? When a mysterious and beautiful woman rides into town, she helps him find his courage and they begin to fall in love. Making a splash: A deep dive into the live-action Little Mermaid with a new generation's Ariel. Overly crude jokes and gross-out humor drag comedy down. When the rivalry leads to a duel, he gets help from an unexpected, beautiful source. Anna vows to help Albert with many issues in his life, most specifically in getting Louise back largely by pretending to be his girlfriend to make Louise jealous, and learning how to shoot in what ends up being a challenge to a shoot-out with Foy for Louise's hand. Marvel Movies Ranked Worst to Best by Tomatometer, Jurassic Park Movies Ranked By Tomatometer, RT25: Celebrating 25 Years of Rotten Tomatoes, Weekend Box Office Results: Super Mario Joins the Billion-Dollar Club. But, just how many ways to die are there in the west? Link to Are You There God? Making a splash: A deep dive into the live-action. McNeely bases his playful and robust score on classic silver screen-era Westerns, offering up a pastiche that's both reverent and self-aware, while the theme song, which is performed by Alan Jackson, and "If You've Only Got a Mustache," the latter of which is performed by Grammy-nominated American tenor Amick Byram, are as goofy as they are . 'A Million Ways to Die in the West': Inside the 'Mustache Song'. Stream songs including "A Million Ways To Die", "Main Title" and more. Although she states otherwise, the shoot-out is arguably the last straw for Louise, Albert's vain girlfriend, who breaks up with him. Albert: Oh. What Shows Have Been Renewed or Canceled. She neglects to tell him that shes married to the outlaw Clinch Leatherwood (Liam Neeson), an infamous and jealous gunslinger who regularly contributes to that million-ways body count. Seth MacFarlane writes, directs and stars in this Western about a sheep farmer who falls in love with an outlaw's wife. When a mysterious and beautiful woman rides into town, she helps him find his courage and they begin to fall in love. The joke evolved into "riffing on the idea of how dull, depressing, and dangerous it must have been to live in the Wild West." Missing Trailer Scene: The bit with the doctor . By continuing, you agree to the Privacy Policy and Now, I knew my aim wasn't good enough to hit you anywhere important. Anna: Yeah, but those are quarter loads. Listen to A Million Ways To Die In the West (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack) [Deluxe Edition] by Joel McNeely on Apple Music. "There it is!" "Dear God, look at it!" "It's beautiful!". Gunman at Fair in Final Scene: [after shooting someone] people die at the fair. Comedy, Romance, Western. A Million Ways to Die in the West is not for everyone. Apple Inc. Vulgar, crude, self-referential, and irreverent, A Million Ways to Die in the West is a typical Seth MacFarlane comedy. Like. Albert: and all I had to do was distract you while the poison entered your bloodstream. 10. 17+. The shooting gallery at the fair has only 10 targets (2 rows of five), but Anna shoots 12 for a perfect score. Although she states otherwise, the shoot-out is arguably the last straw for Louise, Albert's vain girlfriend, who breaks up with him. and the Do you know what kind of hours he has to work? The only time it came out of nowhere was when Charlize said, "Hey, Ewan McGregor is doing a movie up the street!" Albert: She moved to town a couple of years ago to take over the schoolmarm job. As a very loose rendition of historical fiction, it requires an ability to enjoy the suspension of belief in order to appreciate the humor, as well as an ability to look past the few offensive remarks to that are both poignant stabs at the time period as well as timely interpretations of . Apple Inc. Then the mysterious Anna rides into town and captures Albert's interest and heart, but with her deadly . Albert recklessly challenges Foy to a gunfight a week hence, even though the hapless sheep minder literally cant shoot to save his life. Yet hes afraid to stray from knuckle-dragging comedy, being obsessed with jokes about farts, diarrhea and genitals that splat more often than they zing. Narrator: Some people are born into the wrong time and place. But jokes that weren't funny the first time aren't funny the sixth time, either. But I got great tits. Offers may be subject to change without notice. And, uh, wild animals. We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly. presentation-ready copies of Toronto Star content for distribution Ted became one of the highest-grossing comedies ever made, he pretty much had the freedom to do whatever he wanted for his second movie. Opens Friday at major . 2 likes. Edward: No I feel like I should have a piece of cake or something. The film follows Albert Stark (MacFarlane) who feels certain that the western frontier is trying to kill him while coping from his break-up with his girlfriend. expressly prohibited without the prior written consent of Toronto If You've Only Got a Moustache. , and to receive email from Rotten Tomatoes. Ruth: Oh yeah, it's this, its like from here to here. The movies best lines are typically one-liners that rarely come from the lips of MacFarlane, who frequently oversells a joke when he isnt merely spouting obscenities.